Gifts for Dog Owners Who Already Have Everything

Dog owners are easy to shop for in theory and hard in practice. They already own the leash, the bed, the treat pouch and three mugs with a paw print on them. What they do not own is something that describes what living with the dog is actually like.

That is what these are: plain, deadpan lines about the specific realities of a house a pet runs. No paw prints, no puns. Just the thing every dog owner says out loud at least once a week.

For the dog people

• He Is Not Allowed On The Couch is a house rule that everyone, including the dog, knows is not enforced.
• We Are On His Schedule Now is for the owner whose day starts when the dog decides it does.
• We Do Not Discuss The Vet is for the bill nobody brings up.

For the cat people

• She Knows What She Did covers the glass on the floor and the look afterwards.
• Out Of Office is for the person whose cat has taken over the keyboard during working hours.

Who these are for

The dog mom, the dog dad, the friend whose dog has opinions about your visit, and the person at the party who greets the dog first. They also work for the new owner in the first month, when every one of these lines is suddenly, personally true.

See everything in Dog & Cat Shirts, or the three-tee set in Tees For Your Pet-Obsessed Friend.

The details

Every tee is $34.99 on soft ringspun cotton with a true unisex fit, sizes S through 3XL. 2 for $60 · 3 for $90 · free shipping on 2+ tees, applied automatically at checkout. Each shirt is printed after you order and ships in 10 business days, so for Christmas, order by the end of November.